Well, I ripped out the 5 repeats of the edging on the evenstar.  (but you knew that, didn't you?).  5 repeats = 100 rows= 250 beads. (each row is 20 stitches or less so it's not like it was a 650 stitch row) Gone in less than a minute.  It was depressing but that feeling of having made the right decision was there.  I have since recouped the loss and have done SIX whole repeats (I know, a speed demon I'm not) and I am in awe of the beauty that I have created.

As a knitter, I am always unsure of my work.  Because I am entirely self taught (having no one at the time who knew what to do with pointy sticks except to poke dead things with them), I often doubt myself.  It never stopped me from trying anything but I am always sure that everyone else's work is somehow better than mine.  Does this make sense?  I have this sneaking suspicion that I am doing inferior work and no one wants to tell me.  (this probably stems from growing up in a family where nothing was praised or appreciated-nothing was ever really good enough, including me). 

  When I look at this project I am filled with pride and nerves.  Pride that I maneuvered the sticks and string to make something so beautiful and nervous that someone will find fault with it.  I am inching my way along the edge and admiring it as I go.  I have learned so much from this project and not just technically.  I also am learning to trust myself and my abilities.  Maybe it just comes with time. 

I spent the last two days in a training (Choosing Psychiatric Rehabilitation Goals) and made some good progress on the Fire Socks.  I am 2/3 of the way down the cuff of the second sock.  I introduced two  people to knitting in the round.  Both thought it was a kind of magic until I explained the whole idea of only working with two needles at a time.  "That doesn't look so hard" was the common answer.  Of course it's not too hard.  If it was that hard, would people do it for relaxation? 

This training was interesting, psych rehab is my field and I am fairly familiar with most aspects of it but it's always good to learn something new.  I also came to the conclusion that I am old.  I think I was the oldest person in the room and as I listened to the others ask questions, I was amazed at how much I knew just from being older and being in the field for so long.  It made me realize how much I actually KNOW without having to think about it for a long time.  For the first time, I realized how much expertise I have.  It felt weird. 

Today, I'm back at work.  There were only 4 messages on my phone.  None of them urgent.  That's way better than I expected.  I am looking forward to a quiet weekend and if it doesn't rain, I'll wash windows and curtains.  It's time (already!).  Last weekend we got the summer clothes out and the temps immediately dropped to wool-socks-and-sweater weather.  No complaints here.  As long as I get to see the sun once in a while, I'm ok with the cooler temps.  I'll continue to work on the edging.  Only 49 more repeats to go.