And then there were two. Voila! This is my first pair of socks that I knitted for me. I have knitted socks for several other folks but these are mine, all mine. Even though Emily wants to get her hands (feet!) on them, they are mine. They fit very nicely and make my feet feel loved. Now I am waiting for my darling Peter Kevin to finish untangling the mess that is my Art Walk Sock Yarn (the cat had a hand in this and it is now a large tangle) so I can start some socks with that. Fortunately, he likes puzzles and looks upon this as a challenge.
We never got to the park. Some intestinal distress that continues to plague me kept me home and near the facilities. The lake is only open for a few more weeks (closes Labor Day) and I feel like we have not taken advantage of it enough. Summer is almost gone and while I will not miss the weather (I am tired of being wilted and sweaty when I get to work in the morning) I will miss the lazy quality to the days. Nothing seems as urgent or important in the summer.
This fall I will be 50. And while I know in my head that it is just a number, it feels like a fairly significant number. Somehow I am not where I always thought I would be at 50 and no, I don't know where I thought I would be but this does not feel like it. Makes no sense, I know. I am a fortunate person in a lot of ways and try to be mindful of that. I have my family and a job that is fulfilling and enough hobbies and things to keep me interested. I still like to learn new things and meet new people. I guess I always thought I would feel more grown up. I still have trouble remembering sometimes that I AM the grown up. How weird is all that? I don't want to be 18 or even 25 again. I don't mind my age, I just wish I felt my age (mentally). I still feel insecure and vulnerable and scared sometimes. I guess that is something that never goes away.
Enough. It is enough to know that I am loved and able to love and there are people to whom I am important. The rest of it will have to sort itself out when I finish growing up. "Growing older is not an option, growing up is...."
12 comments:
Love the socks!!! Good for you for hanging onto those babies. They are fabulous!
I know what you mean about the real-age vs. mental-age thing...I just can't get a handle on the fact that I am the age that I be!
Better lock those socks up! Very nice!
I vascillate between days when I feel like I'm 29 going on 90 and others where I feel like I did at 16.
Beautiful socks - just gorgeous! I know what you mean about age - last week on the way into work I stopped and wondered how I got there - seems like 18 was just a few years ago - not almost 30!
They are such lovely socks! And let's club the plague-bringer to death, that little rat. Mental age is a funny thing, isn't it? I'm not sure anybody ever gets to where they thought they'd be at a certain age, and it is a funny feeling. "It's got to be to going, not the getting there that's good..." If you're comfortable with where you're going and who you are, that's what matters. And yes, you are loved, you are special, you are wonderful.
Lovely socks.
I'm with you on the age thing. I'm not sure I'll ever feel properly "grown up". And I'm pretty happy with that actually!
Fabulous socks, I'm so happy you've decided to hang onto them for yourself !
Those are wonderful socks. One of the things we have to do as we grow older (I'll be 56 soon) is to do more for ourselves. In other words, keep more socks, and train yourself to believe you deserve more socks.
I'll never think I'm this old - in my mind, I'm still the hippie in 1967 - but there are advantages, definitely. The best thing, so far, is that I don't have to feel self-conscious any more. That's worth a lot if you're chronically shy.
Happy birthday (in advance)
Those socks are really gorgeous...
I know exactly what you mean--my students will say, "Mz Mac, you don't seem that old," and I'll tell them, "That's because I'm emotionally immature."
Thanks for your compliment on my red scarf. I'm 56 and still trying to figure out what i'm doing with my life. 50 isn't what it used to be. We're still able to be childlike without being childish and remember 50 is the new 30! By the way I love the socks. I just made my first pair, baby socks though, and now I want to make some big ones.
Those socks are really lovely.
I've been writing and deleting various comments here about the "grown up" issue. Can't seem to express what I want to. Anyway, I don't feel grown up either and it doesn't seem likely to change.
I have been thinking a lot about the aging thing - I, too, wouldn't want to be 18 or 25 again - in so many ways this is the greatest time ever - but I just don't get how I suddenly got here. I really was just 28 YESTERDAY, right? That's what I don't get. And I hate that people think I'm an old lady. I'm not! I want to tell them. I just look like one!!!
Love the socks!
Well done keeping some socks for yourself, they look wonderful!
I found 40 pretty hard to handle, for the same reasons you mention - not quite where you thought you'd be at, hopes and plans maybe delayed or not happening or unrealistic - and still feeling 18 in my brain!
Post a Comment