I walked out of my house today, on my way to work, with bare legs, bare arms and a heart full of optimism. There was some blue substance where the sky should be (it might be cloudless space, it's been so long, I've forgotten) and I was determined to feel a little like spring/summer. I wore a skirt. And sandals.

Usually, by this time, we've all been gradually baring body parts to the sun and warmth. This year we've all kept covered up and shivered when we wore short sleeves. There were the few brave souls who wore the shorts and tank tops despite the cold, rainy days. I was not one of them. Today was the first time I've gone out without arm and leg covering. It felt wonderful to feel the cool breeze and not have a jacket on. Then Pk pointed out the very dark clouds that were going our way. I resolutely turned my head toward the blue horizon and moved forward. I am sitting at my desk watching the sky become overcast (the clouds could keep right on moving) and feeling safe because I always keep a light jacket at my desk (the a/c here is VERY cold) and I have an umbrella. I may get wet going home but it was totally worth it to have a summer moment this morning.

Thanks for not shunning me for my post about my father. I know family relationships are often hard. And no one who does not live in the family can know what's going on inside. I hope I didn't give the impression that my childhood was a bad one. It wasn't. My parents just weren't good with praise. I think they were always afraid we would become conceited. My sister was "the pretty one" and it was "a good thing I was smart" (I know, ouch). It took Pk a long time to convince me that he thought I was beautiful. He helped me get over many insecurities about myself. My parents took care of us in the best way they knew how and if we had all stayed young, dependent children, everything would have been fine forever and ever. But, of course that doesn't happen.

And now we have families of our own and while I don't know about my sister, (she stopped talking to me when my parents did), my brother is striving to make a happy place for his kids. And me? I have managed to build what I wanted. A family where you are loved and accepted for who you are, not what I think you should be. My children drive me crazy sometimes and I don't always agree with their decisions but I remind myself it's their lives, not mine. And we're all happier for it.

I have been knitting but not a lot. I've been resting and sleeping on and off. My body seems to need extra sleep, probably after the last few weeks, it's tired. I find myself asleep in the chair with needles and yarn in my hands. Just like an old lady. There is usually a cat in my lap. I only hope I'm not drooling......I want to go back to working on Em's sweater. My hands are feeling pretty good and if the weather stays warm, I'll have a good chance to give it some quality time.

Happy Tuesday! Hope it's a dry one.

Comments

Kaye said…
I'm a firm believe that cats on laps suck out your will to stay awake. So definitely not your fault for catching some zzzs with a cat on your lap. Hee hee!

I kind of like this weather. It's a summer like what I grew up on. Many a birthdays of mine were deluged with rain!
amy said…
We saw the sun for about ten minutes on, I think, Sunday. We had to shield our eyes. We're just not used to the brightness.

(Ok, a little sarcasm there...)
Galad said…
So happy you are finally getting a little sun. I remember those cold, rainy June's from growing up in the Midwest.

Cats are the experts at getting rest (since it is all they do all day) Glad to hear you are following their lead and letting yourself relax after the stress of recent months.
dr k said…
its so funny to hear you guys longing for summer, when most of us are busy dreading the return of ours and enjoying some respite in the 2 weeks they call winter here! i felt a pang at the no-praise, good thing youre smart comment. i dont think some parents realise the damage a few words can do. good for you for building something different.
Jeanne said…
I was so happy that it was sunny today - I hope it didn't rain where you are. I'm optimistic now about the rest of the week - I refuse to consider it will go back to cold and rainy!
Amy Lane said…
I'm with Kaye--it's that cat's fault. (I had a considerable 'cat-enhanced-nap' myself today.) And today, we finally jumped from the 80's to the 100'ds. I do know how you feel with that whole spring thing... I just wish we hadn't jumped QUITE so high so hard!
Roxie said…
With the stress you have been carrying lately, I think yo have EARNED yor naps. Snooze on, dear. Sweet dreams.

May you have a summer soon.
Rose Red said…
Isn't the wearing of a skirt and sandals for the first time after winter one of the simple joys of life! Glad you were able to do it!!

Far from shunning you, I absolutely admire and respect you for your honesty and your choices and the way you have actively chosen to live your life.
Louiz said…
Its sunny and hot here - but this weekend is a famous music festival, so we'll have amazing thunder storms and mud everywhere in time for Glastonbury.

And no shunning - I know some what it's like to have "the pretty one" for a sister, so not from me.
Bells said…
oh no, ours wasn't dry. but that's a good thing in this drought stricken land of ours!
Sheepish Annie said…
Tell me again about the blue sky. It's been so long that I don't even remember what it looks like...
gay said…
so happy you had some sunshine in your life. enjoy it and do go on a shopping spree for new shoes just for fun!

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