Someone asked me a little while ago how I've managed to stay married for 28 years.  My (witty) retort was "I didn't get divorced".   Although that answer was facetious, it's true.

We could have the Love discussion and talk about "soul mates" and things like that.   I believe in Love and also in love.  I love my husband, probably (no definitely) more now than I did when we got married.  I love him more because I know him better.  And I hope this trend continues.

But staying married is about more than love.  It's about getting through the day. Day after day.  Most of our days have a simple routine:  We get up.  We shower, eat and go to work.  We come home and eat and hang out and then go to bed.  We get up.  Day after day and the days add up so very fast. 

It's remembering that everything passes.  Bad things happen but they pass.  Good things happen but they pass, too.  Most of our time has been spent somewhere in between.  We try to notice when things are good and appreciate them so when things are bad, we can cope.  Knowing that I'm not facing tough times alone and that there is someone who is there to lean on helps, too. 

Doesn't sound very romantic, does it?  Yet, I am a romantic.  I believe in miracles and happy endings.  I also believe in promises.  We stood in front of our families and friends and said "till death do us part" and I believe we meant it then and still mean it today.

So, in my mind, that's how we stayed married for 28 years.  That and I can't imagine my life without Pk
I woke up with this rattling around in my head this morning.  It sprang out of a conversation at work with a coworker.  So, what do you think?   These are my thoughts.  How about you?

In knitting news, this was a rip-out of a week.  I ripped out most of the foot of Pk's sock because some of the stitches had fallen off the needle back at the gusset decrease point and when I replaced them, I misplaced one of the gusset decrease stitches and it was crooked.  Would anyone ever notice?  Probably not.  But I  kept looking at it and finally decided to just bite the bullet and rip it out.  Amazing how relieved I felt when I made the decision and did it. 

I also ripped out the latest clue on the Evenstar.  I noticed that some of my repeats had some yo's that didn't seem to be positioned correctly.  I kept looking at it and asking myself if I could live with it.  I could probably have lived with it if all of them were the same but because some of them (most of them actually) were correct, I couldn't keep from comparing them.  So I sat and started to rip out the stitches.  After I pulled the needles out of the 620 stitches that make up the round, I discovered my lifeline had pulled out of about a quarter of the round.  I carefully rewound the yarn onto the cone and as I got to the last row, I picked up the loose stitches and then safely made it to the part that still had the lifeline.  I hadn't put a knot in the lifeline because the yarn is so thin that the knot kept getting caught in the stitches.  It took about an hour to reposition the yarn on the needles.  Now I have a week to work on this clue before the next one comes out. 

The sun is trying to peek out of the clouds here.  It's a cool spring morning.  I'm looking at a tree full of "helicopters" just waiting for a windy day to spread them all over.  See all the brownish bits on this tree?  Soon, they'll be all over the yard.  I love them.  I'm sure the squirrels do, too but I love to watch them fly through the air.  Like a fleet of small helicopters.

 We seem to be in slow-mo today.  Pk is playing on the computer and I'm getting ready to have some breakfast and start the laundry.  If the sun comes out, the bikes are coming out, too.  We'll see if all these weeks at the gym have a payoff and I can ride my bike further than a block without wanting to die.


drkknits said…
i like your take on romance. you can still have it and be realistic at the same time. i think that a lot of people believe in some kind of movie style romance and its just not like that, most of the time it takes effort and committment! i held my breath reading about your ripping out, my hands would have been shaking! im glad you managed it safely. that also shows committment :)
Alwen said…
We sometimes say that our marriage is not made up of just one big positive thing that magically keeps it together - it's all the little positive things and even some of the negative things that we've made it through together.
Roxie said…
CS Lewis pointed out that if that first rush of "romance" were sustained for very long, it would become intolerable. Imagine being all aflutter obsessed with the beloved, day in, day out for years? Your identity would just fade away. Love that lasts has a lot to do with rejoicing in who you are just as much as in who he is. And playing. Having fun together is vital.
amy said…
I think you'd like that book I linked to recently, Marriage and Other Acts of Charity. It's written by a UU minister, and she talks about "agape" love, and the idea of desiring your love to be whole and fulfilled. So, in a successful marriage, you're not in it for yourself so much--it's not "what can this person do for me?"--it's truly desiring the one you love to be happy. And in the successful marriages I've seen (including my own), I think that's true. There is a desire to see your partner happy. It's stunning that that's not the case in more marriages.

And then, as you know, marriage requires work. Anything worthwhile does.
Galad said…
We celebrate 30 years of marriage on Monday and I still often wonder how that could be. When I think of all we've been through in our lives I realize how long it really has been. I agree with you about living day to day, enjoying the good times and coping with the not so good.
Amy Lane said…
I'm with you, sweets--I believe in the hearts, the violins, the swelling music and the magic of the gods, but I also believe that it all comes through hard work. (Like the books say, with compassion and honor comes joy...)
Rose Red said…
Another "agree" here on marriage - it's not just about romance and love, but about work too - commitment and the ability to work through things. And communication!

Good work on the shawl - I'm not sure I could be married to my knitting!!
Bells said…
There's a 21 year old I have been working with who thinks romance is overrated. She thinks it's all about hearts and flowers. I can't make her understand that we are romantic and not all about hearts and flowers. Tonight we cooked an Indian meal together. We spent hours planning it. We each had jobs to do as part of it and worked alongside each other. Then we ate it. And I think that's about as romantic as it gets, for us. What works for each couple is unique and personal.
Louiz said…
That's a really nice post, and I'm tempted to point a friend in the direction of it, it might help her.
Jeanne said…
I agree with you completely about being married - its not all hearts and flowers but its the little things that are important. And I think making the choice to be married and work things out is important.

Sorry your knitting didn't cooperate this week - hope it gets better!
KnitTech said…
Day by day, really is the best way to make it through anything.
Geek Knitter said…
I love your take on your marriage. My husband and I have been together for close to 18 years, which just blows my mind. Some days it's wonderful, some days it's tough, most days it's the thing which sustains me.
Sheepish Annie said…
Marriage is WORK! Make no mistake about it. But that's what makes it so beautiful in the long run, right? Anything worth having is worth a little effort.
catsmum said…
Marriages do take work - and that's something I hope that I've passed on to my children.
... and when you have a severely disabled child it takes even more work to stay happy and together.
We were together for 25 years before he passed away and I am as sure as I can be that if Marc was still alive we'd still be married [ 35 years ]
Jejune said…
I really agree with you about marriage - we've just had our 25th anniversary, and no, it's not been easy! It would have been easy to walk away at times over the years, but neither of us ever wanted to be divorced.

We got through the tough times. We have a vast shared history, and know each other so well. We're great friends, still, and (mostly!) enjoy each other's company. Chronic illness impacts heavily on our family life and our relationship, we don't go out much or go on holidays. He's often not well enough to handle even dinner out.

He knows that I love him when I cook something special for him. I know that he loves me when he does a chore I normally do, or fixes my computer. On balance, we're better off together than apart.

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