Your jury service for this term has ended. You are no longer required to report as previously instructed and need not check for any further instructions. We thank you for serving as a juror in the United States District Court.

Well, that was an interesting two weeks!  Since May 4, I have been checking in at the District of NJ website to see if I needed to report for Jury Duty.  Each day, it would say something along the lines of  "no thanks, not today but check back tomorrow".  Today,  the message above came up.  So, I have done my civic duty and didn't have to leave the comfort of my home. 

This week has been a tough one at work.  I had two women call and tell me they were feeling suicidal.  Both because of family members.  I talked to them and we came to the conclusion that they really didn't want to die, they just wanted not to feel bad. 

Family is amazing and wonderful and awful and hurtful all at the same time.  I like to think that I helped them realize that they are terrific women (both single mothers who have raised their children to adulthood despite serious mental illness) who deserve to be admired for their accomplishments.  I admire them and told them so repeatedly. 

It makes me angry that people make comments without thinking about the effects those words have on someone else.  You can take them back and ask for forgiveness but the person who is in pain?  Doesn't forget.  They may forgive but forgetting is another matter.  Words get inside your heart and they cling with all the clinginess of a kitten climbing the curtains. 

Hopefully, I gave them some positive and kind words to sneak in there and help counterbalance the ugly ones.  I talked one woman into coming to knit group tomorrow.  Connections to others in a positive way always helps.

Here is the Foxfaces (Nancy Bush) socks that I made for Em's birthday.  Galad asked if I liked the pattern.  Yes!  I like the pattern very much.  I started another pair immediately for me.  I changed it a little bit by doing the ribbing all the way down the back of the leg because I liked the look better.  These are knitpicks merino/silk sock yarn and it knit up so fluffy and nice. 

I am in the middle of several things at the moment.  There are the two Bigger on the Inside, a second simple baby sweater in a green/grey color that I had lying around for a few years, socks for me (3 pairs), socks for El and socks for Pk.  Plus the Madli's shawl that gets a bit of time and them put away since it is not an interesting knit.  This is so unusual for me.  I am not a  multiple wip person.  It's weird  but it doesn't bother me at all.  I just pick up whatever I feel like playing with at the time and go to town.  Except for on the train.  That is always socks or something small.  Not too much space and I try to be a considerate passenger. (except for when I'm riding with Pk, then he's got hold of one of my hands-not that I mind at all!)

Otherwise, things here are going on as usual.  The summer clothes are out and washed and hanging in the closets and the winter things are put away.  And of course, the weather has been so up and down that it's hard to know how to dress in the morning. 

Off to fix some dinner.  Good evening all!


amy said…
Sigh, that's it in a nutshell, isn't it. Don't want to die, just don't want to feel bad. I'm glad they had you to talk to. A former NE Patriots player recently committed suicide, and I tried to explain to my boys what that meant. It's not an easy thing to explain.
Roxie said…
Oh, what pretty, pretty socks! Bravo.

And if you ever wonder if your job is worth it, just remind yourself that you saved two lives this week. If some handsome young policeman had talked one of those women down off a bridge or a window ledge, he would be hailed as a hero! But when you do it - ehh, it's just part of the job. Well, your job saves lives, missy, and don't you forget it. You - without badge, taser, gun or a snappy uniform - you are a hero!!

Sometimes people take things the wrong way. One time, while trying free samples of cookies, I told my friend "Get the big one there." She was pissed at me for a month because she thought I was saying that she was a greedy fat pig. I just wanted her to get the best of the goodies.

And sometimes, people are trying so hard to meet their own needs and defend their own tender spots, that they have no consideration for the people around them.

I'm so glad that you were able to help those women. You are such a blessing!
DrK said…
thank goodness you were there for those women. they are very lucky to have you. its an awful space to be in, so much pain that death feels preferable. and its the hardest thing in the world to not let the words of others get under your skin. i wish i could scrape out the bad things my mother ever said to me, i think i would like myself a whole lot more. its like they change your DNA. but people like you help change it back a little at a time. gorgeous socks, as usual! glad you are making some for yourself too xx
Kaye said…
and sadly no matter what there's no getting thru to those hurtful family can only change yourself.

congrats on being done with jd!
Galad said…
Thanks for the sock picture and review. I may have to move those pretty socks up the list.

I too am glad you were there for those women. I once worked on a suicide hotline. Most frequently people didn't want to die, they just didn't want to hurt. Having support helps.
KnitTech said…
Go you! That's a tough job and I know I couldn't do it.
Rose Red said…
Thank you for the wonderful job you do. I bet people don't say that to you enough. Thank you so much. You are an inspiration, truly.

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