This was a stressful week and mentally I feel very tired. I am the kind of person who when they see someone who needs help, they jump in and help. I can't help it. It's the way I am. I am just naive enough to believe that the person will be glad of the help.

Sometimes that works out and sometimes not. This week it did not. I didn't actually volunteer to help our IT dept. when they have a lot of people asking questions on how to access schedules in our new computer program. My supervisor told the IT person that I would probably do it if she asked. She asked and I said "of course." So, I decided to make sure that I could access the schedules and that I understood what I was doing (it always helps when you understand what you're doing) before the doctors started clamoring about access to their schedules. I tried but it didn't work. I couldn't access the data so I called the IT person and she was in the middle of another problem and got very upset. Just so happens that a "person in charge" was there in her office (the same person who made the comment about me having time to read a book at work). I quickly got a phone call from my supervisor saying "please don't call the IT person if you have a problem, just stay out of the program". Sigh, another wrist slap. My wrists are getting sore.

I felt hurt and angry and ready to give into stress tears but I managed to swallow this and get on with my day. Kate and Holly came over to Philadelphia and we had lunch with a friend. Good food and good conversation. I went back to work determined to keep my head down and just do my job. I finished and left to come home.

Of course when you swallow feelings like that they eventually come back out. And they did when Pk asked about my day. The tears starting rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. When I finished telling him all of this, I was so drained but felt better. I know that the stress will dissolve over the weekend and when I go back to work, I'll go back with a different attitude. On the plus side, the IT person called me to apologize and ask if we were still friends. I said of course. I do understand that she is under a lot of pressure to make this amazingly un-user friendly program work and the last thing I want to do is to add to her stress.

I do think of finding a different job. I am very good at what I do but this is not a good time to job hunt and I have such good benefits that it's hard to leave them. I plan to start looking but not count on anything happening soon.

In other news, I have been working on my Wildflowers shawl. I wasn't afraid of having enough yarn until someone (Roxie) put the idea in my head. Now I see she may be right. I contacted Teresa Ruch the designer of this lovely yarn and she will try to match the sample I am sending her so I can breath easier as I knit. This is what it looks like. The colors are not even close to being true. It's much more purple than blue but the camera can't pick it up for some reason. I stretched it out so I could show the flower pattern and how it looks in the shimmery bamboo. Isn't it pretty? It is an easy knit with enough yo's and k2tog and psso to make it interesting without being stressful or all that challenging. I need that this weekend so I will continue to work on it and try to finish the socks for my aunt that I put down to work on this. I also want to spin while the weather is nice and the wool doesn't stick to my sweaty skin.

Today's buddhist inspiration said "reach for your dream and it will reach for you". (hana rose zadra). What a pleasant and happy thought that your dream is out there reaching for you. Kinda exciting.


Galad said…
What a difficult day just because you were trying to be helpful. You are right that not everyone appreciates help. It is disheartening.

On the bright side you seem to have found a way to center yourself again and the bamboo yarn knits up beautifully.

Have a restful and pleasant weekend.
Jeanne said…
Sorry that you had such a bad week - I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that things are better at work next week!
amy said…
I do like that Buddhist thought! Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry about work. Hugs.
DPUTiger said…
Perhaps a good "mental vacation" over the weekend will make things start to look a little better at work. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it! :) Good luck to you!
Rose Red said…
I'm sorry you had another crappy day at work - thank goodness for supportive spouses and weekends and lovely yarn - hope you have a better week next week.
Roxie said…
Oh bless your dear heart. There, there, sweetness! (hugs and shoulder pats) It just stinks when you get the fall-out of someone else's bad day. You know it had nothing to do with you, don't you? That supervisor sounds toxic, spreading poison wherever s/he goes. I'm so sorry you have to work with someone like that, but they are everywhere. I just think of myself as a duck, put my head down, and let it run off my back like rain.

Wait till you give the bamboo a good pressing! Polished and gleaming!
Bezzie said…
Aye, sometimes it just gets to be too much doesn't it? I'm thankful I've got someone to dump onto at home like you've got PK. What would we do w/out that?? Glad things are looking up.
Bells said…
I like that Buddhist quote today. Lovely.

What a shitty situation to go through at work. That's just awful. You put yourself out there and you get knocked back down. Not good at all. I'm sorry about that.

True colours or not, the yarn is lovely and will make a beautiful shawl.
Sheepish Annie said…
It sounds like you work in a place where everyone feels like they have to cover themselves. If you happen to be someone more used to extending yourself, it can be a tough place to spend the day.

Here's hoping that they start to recognize your hard work instead of always asking for more!
Amy Lane said…
That's so hard--I can understand why you were upset. But good PK, for being there for you, and, of course, your knitterly instincts took over and helped you make things better. I'm sure your weekend will help dissolve the stress, as you said--I really love the way your family gets together and does things on the weekends. That's what keeps you close:-)
Dianne said…
That reminds me of an old John Denver song - "Some days are diamonds, some days are stone." Sounds like you had a big old boulder of a day. I hope this week gets better.

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