This was a stressful week and mentally I feel very tired. I am the kind of person who when they see someone who needs help, they jump in and help. I can't help it. It's the way I am. I am just naive enough to believe that the person will be glad of the help.



Sometimes that works out and sometimes not. This week it did not. I didn't actually volunteer to help our IT dept. when they have a lot of people asking questions on how to access schedules in our new computer program. My supervisor told the IT person that I would probably do it if she asked. She asked and I said "of course." So, I decided to make sure that I could access the schedules and that I understood what I was doing (it always helps when you understand what you're doing) before the doctors started clamoring about access to their schedules. I tried but it didn't work. I couldn't access the data so I called the IT person and she was in the middle of another problem and got very upset. Just so happens that a "person in charge" was there in her office (the same person who made the comment about me having time to read a book at work). I quickly got a phone call from my supervisor saying "please don't call the IT person if you have a problem, just stay out of the program". Sigh, another wrist slap. My wrists are getting sore.



I felt hurt and angry and ready to give into stress tears but I managed to swallow this and get on with my day. Kate and Holly came over to Philadelphia and we had lunch with a friend. Good food and good conversation. I went back to work determined to keep my head down and just do my job. I finished and left to come home.



Of course when you swallow feelings like that they eventually come back out. And they did when Pk asked about my day. The tears starting rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. When I finished telling him all of this, I was so drained but felt better. I know that the stress will dissolve over the weekend and when I go back to work, I'll go back with a different attitude. On the plus side, the IT person called me to apologize and ask if we were still friends. I said of course. I do understand that she is under a lot of pressure to make this amazingly un-user friendly program work and the last thing I want to do is to add to her stress.



I do think of finding a different job. I am very good at what I do but this is not a good time to job hunt and I have such good benefits that it's hard to leave them. I plan to start looking but not count on anything happening soon.



In other news, I have been working on my Wildflowers shawl. I wasn't afraid of having enough yarn until someone (Roxie) put the idea in my head. Now I see she may be right. I contacted Teresa Ruch the designer of this lovely yarn and she will try to match the sample I am sending her so I can breath easier as I knit. This is what it looks like. The colors are not even close to being true. It's much more purple than blue but the camera can't pick it up for some reason. I stretched it out so I could show the flower pattern and how it looks in the shimmery bamboo. Isn't it pretty? It is an easy knit with enough yo's and k2tog and psso to make it interesting without being stressful or all that challenging. I need that this weekend so I will continue to work on it and try to finish the socks for my aunt that I put down to work on this. I also want to spin while the weather is nice and the wool doesn't stick to my sweaty skin.

Today's buddhist inspiration said "reach for your dream and it will reach for you". (hana rose zadra). What a pleasant and happy thought that your dream is out there reaching for you. Kinda exciting.